Thank goodness we’ve (touches everything wood in the vicinity) not had to isolate at all during this pandemic (touches everything wood once again, just to make sure) because this week little P has been graced with chicken pox. Now I know I’m glad to be getting it out of the way whilst she’s young, but I’m only on day 2 of spotty quarantine and going stir crazy! The thing is I’m just not somebody to be forced to stay in.
We’re all feeling this way though aren’t we and more than anything today was my messages with my bestie about us both becoming old and boring. In reality though neither one of us is boring! What prompted the conversation was us both laughing about a Facebook memory of my travels and how times have changed, however I’ve not changed that much, the principal is still there.
I used to be a person of adventure, I frequently jumped on a plane and buggered off somewhere, usually alone with the excitement of knowing I’d make some more epic friends from all over the globe along the way. Which I did. Including Frederique who were laughing about this morning-apologies no juicy goss, he was just a ski instructor (albeit a very attractive one) that quite literally gave me a lift down the piste on his skis when I’d gone up quickly to sort out any incident without time to grab my board, see no juicy gossip, I just had a piggy back ride down the black run! And it’s these tales I miss, but then again I don’t, my adventures have just changed and altered…or at least they will, when I’m allowed to have them again.
That’s it isn’t it? When we’re allowed. That’s not really my frustration though. You see I’ve been trapped for longer than the pandemic, I lost my sense of adventure and get up and go during my abusive relationship. My enthusiasm, energy and confidence were so diminished that I just couldn’t physically do the things I once would. I lost my spark. Then as soon as everything was over, divorce settled and I was ready to start enjoying building all that back up, the world closed down again. Great timing I know. Now that’s what’s leaving me feeling frustrated.
I’m bored. Well I’m not but I am (god I’m fickle aren’t I?) I’m itching to do stuff (no chicken pox pun intended) I’m ready to get back to going to the theatre regularly, having coffee and spa dates with myself. I’m ready for spontaneous weekends away and day trips where I just jump in the car and end up somewhere. A close friend years ago used to get really frustrated with me because I used to quite quickly get bored with life, he used it often say, “oh god we’re not on with that again are we?” And I can hear him saying it again now, because we’ll yes we are!
No my frustration is that the confidence and couldn’t careless attitude about doing stuff alone or with friends is there, it’s back and I’m ready to do bothC adventures with friend
So what’s stopping me now other than a global pandemic, well nothing now, but the first couple of years after kicking my ex out, a lot was stopping me. You see back then when I got bored, I booked something and went. A theatre trip on my own, sitting in a restaurant and having a meal on my own, a holiday on my own, didn’t phase me. It was liberating actually. I’ve had weekends away alone and it’s nice. I do also like doing these things with people, done get me wrong, I love it! But after all I’d been through I was ready to do it alone again and spent a lot of time waiting around to be invited or to find people to do things with.
Now my frustration isn’t about have the confidence to plan something alone or with friends, that gutsy attitude is back but is being quashed. In someways the pandemic had made me feel as trapped as I was in my marriage and at times makes me wonder why I bothered going through the stress of leaving only to end up in the same feeling of suffocation (I know don’t worry it still is the best decision I’ve ever made). So that’s my frustration, I’m bored because I’m eager and ready to really build and embrace a way of life for me a little P that I’ve fought long and hard for and feel a bit like I’ve hit a glass roof.
I am bored and I know we’re starting to see light at the end of the tunnel, it can’t come quick enough for any of us can it? I really want to get back to having some fun and spontaneity, even if it’s not jumping on board a ski trip with Frederique!!