For 7 months now I’ve been flying solo, going it alone at this parenting malarkey. I don’t wish to share in this post the ins and outs of my divorce-it was a decision that didn’t come easily but ultimately what was best for me and my daughter. Having said that, becoming a single mum had to come as part of the decision to end my marriage and although it was the right move to make, the thought was rather daunting and obviously came with a lot of apprehension.
I worried about a multitude of things, would I cope juggling a baby, job/career and a life for myself? Would I be happy, would I still enjoy being a mum? Would I maintain a lifestyle that I could enjoy? Would I manage financially? The answer was yes, and then some!
The anxiety of being a single mum was worse than actually being one. I hadn’t planned becoming a single mum, the issues on the marriage came to a head rather quickly and the decision to leave was rather sudden following some events so it wasn’t like I had much time to get my head around it. I just thrust myself in at the deep end and had to get on with it.
The key thing was that failure isn’t an option when you’re a single mum. You make it work because you have to. Juggling everything though is much much easier than I thought, my daughter is thriving and we’re really enjoying our time together. We’re getting plenty of quality time and I’m still managing to thrive in my career. This is what my biggest worry was, would I be torn between being a good mum and good employee that’s getting job satisfaction and the fact is I’m not only managing to do both but I’m enjoying doing both too!
I’ve a good support network of family and friends who will always lend a helping hand if I need but generally I haven’t need to really ask for much, I have childcare sorted and if I’ve ever needed favours from people it’s usually been something I’d have asked for regardless of being a single mum. What’s nice though is knowing I have people there if I need it and more importantly they’re there to offer emotional support. My friends and family keep reminding me that I’ve got this shit and that I’m smashing it as a single mum.
Which I am, but not because I’m coping with all the practical things. Me and my girl are smashing it because we’re loving each other and are happy, we’re building a great life together and although it’s been as a result of a difficult and challenging situation and time for us both. The upheaval of the divorce hasn’t phased us, we’re growing our life together, creating happiness and memories.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not all sunshine and roses, we’ve had coughs and colds to contend with, teething troubles, flat tyres, broken boilers and escapee chinchillas! But these things are all par the course, they’re part of life and we’ve coped with them, we’ve dealt with them sorted it, mended it, healed and got better or caught the furry beast! They’re all things that are part of life and bound to happen and they’ve not phased us in the slightest-me and my girl have just got on with it and not let it get us down, which is also smashing it. We’re smashing it because life isn’t all plain sailing and we’re cracking on and dealing with whatever comes our way just as anyone else would.
So this might not be the path I originally intended to take in life but it’s one I’m enjoying. And I guess that’s the biggest fear, not will I cope as a single mum but will I enjoy being a single mum. The answer is yes and that’s why we’re smashing it.