I’m not very good at asking for help. Especially recently. This Christmas two of my closest friends both got me gifts that have sparked this post.
Both books represent me and my friendship with these two people. Each book is me and them, the support they offer me and what we strive for together. They’ve both seen me through thick and thin and I them and these books were opened Christmas morning and I just thought, “Yes!!”
Reading them has got me thinking though, surprise surprise, that’s why I’m writing! It’s got me thinking about not shying away and quite frankly, not giving a fuck and as the book states not being humble. I find myself justifying myself and my actions too often and too unnecessarily. I’ve got better over recent years yet in some situations and with certain people I still find myself doing it.
It was highlighted the other week when me and a close work friend were talking about our kids, she’s a single mum too and our kids are of similar ages so we generally share lots of musings in support of each other. I was relaying a situation with a person to her and she just turned to me and said, “L, you don’t need to justify this to anyone,” she said it so matter of factly, because she was right. It was a decision I had made for what was best for me and little P and I didn’t need to be concerned with the feelings of other people, it barely effected them and if they didn’t like it that was not my problem. Yet I found myself explaining it and as my friend said, why, it was nothing to do with anyone else. So for all I’ve stopped apologising and justifying myself in most situations, I’m now making sure I still ensure I’m not doing it unless it’s necessary.
The other book though is just all about me and my stubborn determination. I keep trying to do everything myself. Now my point here probably contradicts my previous paragraphs about fuck being humble and actually is saying, be humble, because I’m crap at asking for help. I guess for long enough I’ve had to prove I can do it all on my own. Prove it to who though? Well me mostly but I know that now and yet I still find myself struggling sometimes to sort the leaking tap (water spraying everywhere, was like a Laurel and Hardy scene). So this book means a lot because it’s got some many handy tips and tricks as I learn more and more about DIY and let’s face it, after that amazing garden project I can probably tackle most things.
Now some people have had planted seeds of doubt and made out that laying kitchen flooring and handling a circular saw is probably not something I should be doing…which in someways they’re probably right (have I told you about digging through a gas pipe), but it’s only made me more determined. Plus I know have it in black and white in the book, “girls are just as capable as men at DIY” and let’s face it I am loving proof. But more than anything that was an important thing to take from this gift is the note my bestest bud wrote on the inside cover.
He told me that it was ok to ask for help sometimes, that as much as I’m determined to do everything in the words of little P “on I-self” it’s ok to need a hand sometimes. Frequently I see this friend and tell him funny tales of my topsy turvy life only for him to respond with, “why didn’t you ring me?” And he’s right. He’s also not the only person or friend to say it. It’s easier said than done though isn’t it? Old habits die hard and I don’t like to put on others or put people out. I don’t like to be an inconvenience or worse a burden.
I can be the same at work and this friend knows it and often reminds me there too, “you can’t do all this on your own though,” even the head has said it to me, “you can’t do everything yourself” so I’m making more effort to ask for help. I’m making more effort to be humble and call out when I need a little support or a helping hand on the way. I’ve done it recently at work, seeking about the opinions, guidance and support of the other curriculum leads and it’s been refreshing, invigorating and exciting. It’s been the thing I needed. I just need to do it a little more in my personal life. I mean in reality, I don’t mind helping my friends out and true friends like to return the favour don’t they?
So I’m going to take a leaf out of both books and be a bit more humble and a bit less humble. I’m going to ask for help when I need it and stop apologising for taking charge over things that shouldn’t matter to others. Be humble but also, fuck being humble.