I’ve struggled with what to name this one, I usually don’t title my posts until I’ve started writing them unless there’s a strap line in my head already. This one has several and during the writing of this post I’ve changed it 3 or 4 times and I’m still not settled. Anyway, I digress and maybe on your comments you could suggest the catchphrase for this one.
If you get diagnosed with a physical ailment or condition typically you follow the drs orders don’t you? Diabetic people take insulin, asthmatics take an inhaler, those with a nut allergy avoid nut traces like the plague and carry an epi-pen. You know the drill. You get what I’m saying, (yes I know there’s exceptions to this rule, hence the refusal for wearing masks and taking the vaccine for Covid) in general as humans we take the advice and steps given to us to ensure whatever we’re having to deal with is manageable or can be cured.
Or do we?
A friend I discussed this recently, we talked about the self sabotage cycle I kept returning to after leaving my ex-husband. We talked about how I’d have a moment of yes, new me, I’m going to look life in the eye and say, “bring it on mother f**ker” and then I’d make some massive steps forward before something threw me off kilter and then I’d take a few back and fall back into negative thought patterns and my usual bad habits again. This cycle has been repeated a few times with the positive steps getting and taking longer and the negative steps being a shorter and less damaging period until it’s finally disappeared and I’m more about focusing on building my life in my own way as I want it.
The thing is we were actually comparing me to someone else. Some who remains on self destruct, who actually my friend was suggesting I don’t need in my life anymore. Which is true. Why would I after all I’ve overcome want to continue to be around a person who at one time I could seek comfort and sympathy with because we were coming from the same place, but now is still trapped in the cycle of self sabotage, not willing to overcome obstacles and make life changes to improve things for themselves. It’s quite toxic and puts me in a position where I could fall into a similar trap of where I’ve been. And as my wise friend said, do I want to do that?
Now he wasn’t saying cut this friend off or fall out, but maybe stop investing as much in them. Maybe stop trying to help and dedicating as much time and effort into them, after all if they’re not willing to change and help themselves there’s little impact I can have. Which got me thinking? Why was I so keen to keep going with this friendship if it was becoming one sided and no longer serving it’s purpose. It’s longer doing me any good.
You see, it did me good when I was in the deciding stage. When I was deciding to make my life better, when I was deciding to leave my husband, move on and build a happy life for myself. Because this friend was wanting to do the same (well not exactly, they weren’t leaving a marriage or raising a child single handedly the specifics are different) but there’s a difference between deciding and doing.