Once when I was really struggling, it felt life my world was crashing down around me and I couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, my cousin turned to me and said, “everything will be ok, it might not feel like it now and no matter what happens, everything will be ok!” It was the biggest comfort and just what I needed to hear, however the stronger me can now develop this further.
After losing my Dad I struggled, (it was what prompted me to start writing) but what I remember struggling with the most was how did I navigate life without him. It was a bit strange because he didn’t even live in the same country as me anymore, but I just didn’t get how I would carry on without him around, without him physically here on earth with us, without his annual visits, without his frustrating and tedious yet pointless skype calls. I didn’t know that I’d be ok. And that’s the difference I want to focus on, not about whether everything will be ok, but whether or not you will. The difference is key.
Because let’s face it, you don’t know that everything will be ok. You don’t know if the situation and what you want to happen will. You don’t know that, but what you do need to learn to know and trust is that you will be ok. That no matter what happens, you have to trust that you will be able to look after yourself and be ok. You need to trust yourself. You have to trust that you will be able to do what you need to overcome and get through whatever happens to you in your life.
We talk about learning to build trust in others, I’ve struggled with that in recent years, a number of people hurt me and let me down and it’s left me doubting and questioning people’s intentions. However, it’s not really about learning to trust other people, because you cannot control what other people are going to do and their actions. You also cannot predict and you cannot spend you’re life worrying about how people might betray you or let you down, let’s face it, people are in marriages for 20, 30, 40 years and then one has an affair, people are the best of friends for 10-20 years and then one let’s the other down, or they have a blazing row or one puts someone or something else first and the relationship breaks down. These things happen and you cannot plan for it for tell if it’s going to happen. Doesn’t necessarily mean that you shouldn’t have trusted that person either, what it does mean though is that you need to trust yourself in moving forward and on from whatever happens.
I couldn’t control losing my dad, I couldn’t stop it from happening and I couldn’t change the outcome. What I could do was learn to cope and trust in myself that I could deal with losing him and move forward from it (you don’t get over it, you just don’t). I learnt to trust myself and my ability to handle the situation.
The thing is, it’s your own responsibility to trust yourself and learn to move forward as well as trust yourself. Whilst things that may happen to you may not be your fault, or anyone else’s for that matter, it’s your responsibility to workout how you will deal with what life throws at you and how you’ll move on and forward from it and it’s up to you you trust in your ability to do this and look after yourself.
It’s not about reminding yourself that everything will be ok, it’s about trusting yourself and believing that no matter what happens to you and what you go through, that you will be able to look after yourself and be ok. Trust in yourself and your ability to deal with whatever happens, trust in yourself to allow yourself to be ok.