Forgive me if this post comes across as a bit self absorbed (don’t all my posts, they’re all about me and my musings) or egotistical, it’s not meant that way. This last week or so I had that lovely warm fuzzy feeling, you know when life and people just make you feel good. One of my best friends lives far away, I miss her dearly as I do a few of my friends that are spread across the country. She’s very daft and has a habit of sending me random (and I mean very random) gifts courtesy of Amazon Prime (cue inflatable sledge hammer and random cheese board) and this week was no different. She doesn’t it for several reasons, usually to make me laugh, celebrate with me or just because. I send her just because random gifts too (a book of 52 things to do whilst having a poo is by far my best) but sometimes we also both send nice ones, because sometimes we need a pick me up or a reminder of how much we think of each other.
Now the gifts themselves aren’t necessary, it’s the message and meaning behind them. It’s the fact that we do it because we can’t just call in for a cuppa, give each other hug and ugly cry over gin and a chick flick when one of us needs it. So we send each other random plastic children’s toys instead. The point is though that she made me feel loved and cared for even though she’s 300 miles away.
She’s not been the only one recently though. I’ve heard from ex-colleagues recently, been chatting and back in touch with past students about their achievements and lives since leaving high school, hearing from a variety of different friends and friends of family in different ways shapes or form. The nitty gritty of these aren’t really necessary, I’ve just been on the receiving end of some kind gestures. In fact, both me and little P have, I don’t mean gifts (although some have been) I mean kindness in its truest form, the moment when you’re in someone’s thoughts and they demonstrate that and show you they care.
It’s just been nice to realise how well thought of I am. Most of all, because there was a time when I really struggled to see these things. There was a time when I found it so hard to love myself that I couldn’t acknowledge the people around me reaching out a helping hand to help lift me out of the hole I was stuck in. I was so wrapped up in my own upset and worries, my sadness and frustration over one persons words, that I couldn’t see the world of loving people around me.
Now the other day I wrote about not seeking external validation, which is true but that’s not what I’m taking about. This is about love, care, kindness and affection. It’s about people’s support which is different. It’s about knowing that there’s always a team of people around you to support you. When you’re struggling with something, it’s lonely. Really lonely. When you’re dealing with something challenging and going through a tough time it’s easy to doubt yourself and not like yourself. And even more so it can be hard to notice the people around you there and ready to pick you up and help you push on through.
So I guess that’s really what I’m saying now, is that I can see that support now and I can value it now. Rewind back 2 or 3 years and I couldn’t as easily, I couldn’t and didn’t feel valued or loved. I felt lost and lonely, and it’s taken seeking my own personal validation to realise and remember that those people were there all along. It’s hard when life throws you some lemons, there’s always people that think a lot of you but when you’re too focused on what you need to overcome, you don’t always see and hear them cheering you on to the finish line.
So the fuzzy feeling is lingering, I’ve had some nice kind gestures and supportive comments, good laughs and banter from people who I least expected it from and it’s helped reinforce my feelings of love and worth. Next time, when things get crappy and shifty, I’m going to try and take a step back and remember and see those small things from people because the little things count for a lot.
When life throws you a nasty curve ball, look for those people, they think a lot of you, so listen and drink in their kindness. It might just be what you need. I know I did.