So we don’t really have family, it’s just me and little P. And Granny T. But that’s it, me, P and my mum. Yes we have more, but my brother and his clan live abroad with us only having Face Time and transatlantic flights to maintain the connection and love. Day to day it’s just me and P, with a bit of Granny thrown in for good measure (and some nursery wrap around care!).
I’ve often wondered how little P felt about it just being us. Whether she envied her friends with siblings, grandparents and dads. She’s often made comments, throw away one’s that are just matter of fact, telling people that she’s got a mummy and granny and lots of friends as her family. But it does worry me, I mean I know she’s much better off in the situation that we are in than if I hadn’t have left. I know she’s safer, calmer and happier in this situation, after I fought to protect her. But I can’t help but wonder if one day she’s going to think she’s missed out on something, I mean the reality is that she’d have missed out regardless. If I’d have stayed and we both had the stereotypical family unit, but it wouldn’t have been the happy one we’ve got now.
I guess my issue isn’t that she’s missing out because she’s not, far from it. We’re both so so loved by so many people, we’ve friends that we can call and class as family, friends that we see and speak to day to day, that have our back and treat us as a sister and niece. And we’ve each other, with a bond that’s unbreakable. So what is my issue? My issue is that I don’t want her to think she’s missing out, I don’t want her to long for something that she’s actually already got and that she wouldn’t have had anyway if I hadn’t have become a single mum. I don’t want her to feel rejected, because she hasn’t been, not by me, not by the people that love her. Because in reality she does have a family and she is very very loved.
I’ve chosen to write this today because it’s been a bit tough recently on this subject, she’s growing more aware and she does say things. Now don’t get me wrong, she’s not bothered in the slightest about our situation, she loves our home and our life together, but she is aware that our set up is different. And I guess I wish it was different sometimes, not for it to go back to how it was, hell no! But I do look at my friends and see them having big family gatherings, with their siblings mixing with their nieces and nephews. Little P, adores her cousins, but only knows them through a screen, we don’t have the sleepovers and afternoon play dates or trips to see Santa altogether.
I was talking to my friend about it and we nattered about how I just need to teach P about what family really is, not blood but the relationships you have with people, the people that get you through the tough times and celebrate the good times. It’s the people that show they care. It’s the people that matter. This afternoon a knock at the door gave me a book, my friend along with good old amazon delivered me, “We are Family” and it will be tonight’s bedtime story, because it’s just perfect and echoes the sentiment of this blog post, it shows that family is what you make it with the people that matter.
Does this mean I regret the choices I made, absolutely not, I left for the right reasons at the right time and I’m glad we’re in the safe, calm, happy environment we’re in. Do I wish things were different? Sometimes, I wish I had my family a little closer in nearer time zones, I wish I had my Dad to call Poppa M and teach her how to ride a bike, I wish a lot of things, don’t we all? But no, I don’t wish it to be any different, I wish for her to just know that she’s a wealth of people loving her and looking out for her, whether bound by blood or not.