When little P turned 1, we had a Hungry Caterpillar themed birthday and I made her a memories box, in fact a good friend bought her a lovely personalised wooden box for everything to go in. It’s lush. And I’ve filled it and hidden it away ready to wrap and give to her on her 18th birthday. I’ve just two items to add, the hungry caterpillar book and another version of the same book. She still reads them both so I’m holding off for now.

The other book is called I Love You Mum. It’s still illustrated by Eric Carle with lots of different animals. My cousin bought it as part of her birthday present and it’s such a sweet book. The caterpillar is on every page but the story reads about a mum and child relationship. Was actually something I needed at the time of P receiving it as well. It’s cute, it’s sentimental and every word is so true. Because you never stop needing your mum do you?

That’s really where I’m going with this post. Last night little P asked me to read her it at bedtime and it struck a chord. Yesterday she had her booster jabs, no biggie although it is to a 3 year old. The appointment was whilst I was at work so like the superhero she is, Granny T swooped in to the rescue and took her on my behalf. I was quite glad really, I hate needles and would’ve been more scared than P and needed someone to comfort me too. Anyway, we kept the whole thing a secret, just told her she was going to see the nurse for special medicine, down playing it. When I asked mum how she got on, well…turns out she was fine until the needle pricked her arm, then she went for it. Full pelt!

Now little P isn’t really a crier…tell a lie she’s a bossed the fake cry, tantrum, life’s not fair I want my own way, cry but that doesn’t wash with me and I step over her fake wails and lack of real tears until she’s realised she isn’t getting her own way. However, genuine tears and upset are rare, even when she falls over she usually shouts, “I’m ok” or has a brief moment then is fine. But proper crying is very very rare! And when it happens, you know about it. It usually starts with a silent inhale and held breath. Apparently yesterday started like that, the injection went in then almost simultaneously so did her inhale. It’s awful, it’s so quiet, her face is red and your heart just breaks. And I wasn’t there! Which she then proceeded to remind me about all evening once I got home from work.

“I cried for you mummy” because really it was me she wanted and needed. My mum’s great but Granny T isn’t quite mummy is she? And that’s just it. Sometimes it’s just your mum that you need. Even at my age (let’s not discuss that large number right now…I feel old).

I have a strong bond with my mum and she’s ultimately the first person I turn to with anything. Any worry, any concern and any need for comfort and support. I’ve the same bond with P, if not stronger given life is just the two of us. And it’s never really faded with mum.

In fact we’ve laughed before about how I’ll still curl up for a cuddle with my mum! Yes I am that soft! But I do, especially when things are tough! The night my dad died, I snuggled up to her buried my head in and cried, the day I kicked my husband out, I walked into her room in the middle of the night, climbed in next to her and cuddled up asked her if I’d be ok, when times get hard turn to her but equally when things are great I laugh and squeal with excitement with her and it’s not changed as I’ve got older.

I don’t really write about my mum that often and I’m not really sure why, I think it’s a shame because she does deserve a lot of credit…I mean she puts up with a lot from me and P and our crazy ideas! But last night when little P asked to sleep in my bed and was feeling decidedly sorry for herself, I let her. And we read the I Love You Mum book and I tried to feel a little less guilty for leaving my mum to do the jabs trip!

I hope my relationship with little P grows up to be the same as mine with Granny T. I still need my mum and she’s always there, so little P needs to know the same.

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