The only person in charge of your happiness is you.

Regular readers will know how I thrive on having my own independence and taking responsibility for my own things, even more so since I’ve overcome events in my life over that last couple of years. My recent Just Watch Me Post demonstrates just that. However, my writing during the early stages of this blog were a bit more focused on regaining this independence and confidence and I guess survival really. As time has gone on though, it’s become more about thriving over surviving and building a life for myself that I’m happy with.

A couple of comments from various people have led to me writing today. Firstly, one was awhile back, where someone told they’d be discussing me with another friend and whether or not I was ready to move on and meet someone else. It got me thinking, why does moving on have to be about meeting someone else, why do we measure people’s happiness on whether or not they’re in a relationship, married, engaged, cohabitating or whatever else? Why don’t we measure it on whether or not they’re happy with the lifestyle they are leading? This is probably a point I’ll explore more in another post (you know me I have a lot to say about different things). Then I had another comment about finding someone to make me happy and someone else asking me why I was single, said as if I shouldn’t be and that choosing to be would be strange.

Now one of my good friends is also recently a single mum, we both have kids of a similar age and have sort of muddled through our divorces together at similar times. We get on so well and have similar senses of humour (cue bake off texts on Tuesday evening laughing at the innuendos and icing mishaps). We both often share hilarious dating stories (always check their shoes-sorry inside joke) and mull over the trials and tribulations as well as successes of our lives since going it alone. We laugh and cry together all the time and one thing we always agree on is that, we’re enjoying being the women we have become and are continuing to be. One thing I think both of us agree on, is that we’re focused on creating our own happiness we’re not reliant on anyone else providing it.

That’s how it should be isn’t it? Regardless of your back ground, relationship status, family life, eye colour or shoe size (I’m mentioning shoes again, I think that date has left me scarred) you need to take responsibility for your own happiness. Lifestyle coach Matthew Hussey, those great guys over at The Art of Being Brilliant and one of my favourite author’s Gavin Oattes will tell you exactly the same. Take ownership and responsibility for your own life and happiness, anyone else around should only be there to enhance that happiness. I love reading their books or blogs and musings on how to rejuvenate your inner sparkle and get your mojo back. I particularly like how all of them focus on starting to get happy now, choosing to be happy and cultivate situations and a way of life that makes you happy right now and to not keep chasing things you think will make you happy. I think we’re all a bit guilty of that aren’t we? That notion of I’ll be happy when, I’m a CEO, I’ll be happy when I meet someone and settle down, I’ll be happy when I get a new car…etc. When actually we need to get happy now, like Morgan Freeman says in Shawshank (best film ever) “get busy living or get busy dying.”

Now I’m not saying don’t chase things and don’t have aspirations, wants and desires, we all still need goals and we do also still need people in our lives, family, friends, partners and spouses, loved ones and acquaintances. What we need to be is not reliant on them to create our happiness. We need to start enjoying the journey towards that promotion or big 3 storey house, we need to enjoy the dating scene (bad shoes and everything) or the training for the marathon process. Yes the end goal is important and will give us a sense of achievement and enjoyment but the process should also do this, we should be enjoying what it takes to get to the end goal.

There’s was a time when I was focusing my energy on the person I was with to make me happy. Possibly one of the worst things to do in a toxic relationship because it gives the abuser more power and control. It was this mind set that allowed me to put up with the bad because I subconsciously believed I needed to go through that to have the good times. I was reliant on that person to give me happiness that in actual fact they made me miserable. Now not everyone will experience this to the extent I did and some will have it worse. So my advice to anyone, in any situation and most definitely to toddler P is for you to take ownership of your enjoyment and satisfaction in life. Create a life you can enjoy on your own and with people. That said, I don’t think we should close ourselves off from love, romantic relationships, friendships and family time, I just mean that those things should add and contribute to our overall happiness not be the only source for it.

In reality we should stop trying to base our happiness on what everyone else wants in their life or what we believe society expects of us. There isn’t a set of rules or guidelines as to what you should do or achieve in life, just focus on your personal goals and what will bring you joy and fulfilment and don’t rely on anyone else to make you happy, just let them add to it.

The only person responsible for your own happiness is you.

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