When I got engaged it was an excuse to pop bubbles every two minutes. As wedding planning proceeded we regularly toasted the excitement and build up to the big day, key moments like buying the rings, choosing the dress etc where celebrated with a cheeky glass of fizz. Friends and family also often gave us gifts, cards and gestures throughout the engagement period, all part of the build up an excitement. It was an integral part of the big day.
Yet, now I’m coming the end. Now that everything is finalised and finished and I’m finally free. People are apologetic and giving sympathy. I’ve actually mentioned it before in my blog and I’m still feeling the same. Why? Why give me sympathy or see it as a bad thing? Why not celebrate me making the best decision in my life? Why not congratulate me on finally finding the strength and courage to realise and know I wanted and deserved better?
Having said that some people have. Me and Granny T have regularly popped a cork to toast my new life and moving forward. My besties have had the odd night in or out with me to celebrate that my divorce is coming to an end and I’m able to move forward and put it all behind me.
Most recently my wing man (she’s Goose, I’m Maverick) bought me a divorce present. It’s brilliant, it’s vintage, shabby chic, hilarious and has pride of place in my kitchen (it fits in with the decor in there best). It ironically sits where a similar wedding plaque sat, only instead of reading “Just Married” this read “recently divorced” and more than appropriately reads “living happily ever after.” And that’s just it isn’t it? This is my happily ever after, I’m happier, I’m in control, I’m being my best self and I’ll be damned if I need anyone else to make me happy. I’ll make myself happy, anyone else will just be an added bonus.
This is what we need to teach our children. That happily after is not a knight in shining armour riding in on a white horse sweeping up a damsel in distress to ride off into the sunset. Happily ever after is knowing your worth, it’s being happy in your own skin and it’s doing this shit for yourself. It’s living your own life, having some ambition and going out and seizing the day. It’s making plans, setting goals and not making excuses for anything. Happily ever after is what you want it to be and it is shaped and made by you, and if that includes divorce, walking away from bad situations and cutting some people out of your life then that’s ok and it’s certainly something to celebrate.
Please, don’t give me sympathy. I’m happy, I’ve walked away and I’ve made my life better. I’m growing and moving on from my experience and raising a strong little girl that will also fight her own battles, know her own worth and that will never ever settle for second best because she thinks she has to have a Disney film happily ever after ending. She’ll do and be what she wants, with whoever supports that and her well being.
Instead, please celebrate with me, toast my ordeal finally coming an end. Pops some fizz and drink to my closure, my confidence and my happily ever after.