Awhile back something happened, not a big deal at all but something happened and taught me a lesson about a person who I considered a friend. I didn’t fall out with the person as such, as in there wasn’t an altercation. I just simply made my disappointment in them clear and then proceeded to hold said person at arms length, no longer trusting them as a true friend and although being civil, not actively interacting or socialising with them.
I was discussing it with another friend, my coffee date therapy friend with whom I like to put the world to rights with and can trust for honesty and care. She gets it, she gets life’s trials and tribulations and whilst being supportive will be honest with me. I told her how since leaving my husband and everything I’ve been through, how I don’t have time for drama anymore and that if someone breaks my trust, that’s it now. I don’t have time, the energy or inclination to drag things on or have negative people in my life. She said she had another friend who since her divorce was the same and referred to her as being as hard as nails. The phrase has stuck with me, am I as hard as nails?
Well yes I am. Or at least I am compared to the person I once was. I don’t take crap anymore, I’m not the push over I once was. I won’t be bullied anymore and I won’t be frightened into doing things or making decisions that are not right for me and toddler P anymore. Our best interests, happiness and safety come first and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let the drama and needs of others spoil that. Not unless it’s someone I can trust, someone who’d do the same for me and someone who isn’t asking me to compromise my morals or well being.
I’m still the same person, I still wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m still overly sensitive and I do still turn to my nearest and dearest for that strong reminder that I am as hard as nails and can handle this shit. I’m still as trusting as I ever was and will let you in if you show me your worth it, however now I’ll also kick you out swiftly if I think you’re going to upset the apple cart and damage my status quo.
Now I don’t want to become bitter or miserable, there’s a fine line between protecting myself and becoming an irrational, nasty, beyond hard as nails battle axe. I don’t want to be that person, I’m not Blanche from Corrie. I still want my warmth, love, kindness and happiness to shine through. But what I also want is for my strength to be clear. I want you to see that as kind and as warm as I am. I’ve also worked hard to ensure that me and toddler P have a safe, happy, warm and comfortable way of life and I won’t let anyone and their drama upset that. Our happiness and well being is first and foremost and we’ll continue to work together as a team to keep growing and developing that.
Maybe hard as nails is the wrong title, maybe, not going to take crap anymore or ready to stand up for herself now are better phrases. I don’t know, who says it even needs a label. It’s just a inner strength and confidence, a calm, mature way of silently walking away from negativity and drama and sticking with the people that contribute and support me and toddler P living our best lives. Whatever you want to call it, it’s a good place to be in. It’s a stronger, more confident, self assured, don’t mess with me, I have honesty and integrity, place to be.