So I’ve been on a trip down memory lane this summer. It was my first time in a long time, back down in our annual family holiday destination. There’s a point on the road into Cornwall where you see some specific looking trees on the hillside, my cousin told me that they’re the coming home trees and I can understand why, I see them and I know I’m nearly there, arriving at my second home.
This trip was a bit bittersweet. It brought back a whole host of memories, some of my dad and childhood and some of my marriage. The last time I visit scrumpy land was with my ex-husband, pre-marriage, pre-divorce, pre-loss of my dad, pre-everything. So it was hard, I thought back to silly holiday stories of dad and of some of the happy times in my marriage/relationship (yes there were some…) and it was a real mixed bag of feelings.
The trip taught me a lot. Some memories of my marriage and of my dad are not good ones, both relationships had some very difficult, testing times which I’d rather forget. However, both relationships also had some good times. The holiday taught me to forgive, I forgive my dad his short comings and I forgive my ex for the things he did to me. I don’t need to speak to either of them (obviously I can’t my dad) or dwell on what they did wrong to me, I don’t need to alter what my relationship has become or became with either of them, I can just make peace with the bad things that happened.
The trip also taught me that it’s ok to remember the good times as good times, just because bad things happen and just because people do you wrong does not mean that you cannot acknowledge the good times you had together. It’s ok to not want someone in your life, it’s ok to have learnt and grown from their negative behaviour and actions towards you, it’s ok to remember both the bad and good times. In fact it’s important to, you need to learn from and remember both, remembering both teaches you things.
It was a bittersweet trip, I have such fond memories and an affinity with the place and I feel so at home there. I love my family there and I love the place, I live the sights, the beaches and the fun I can have. I love the tales and stories we can all share of our many times visiting. I love the memories, but I hate that some are just memories, I hate that the memories bring with them unpleasant thoughts and feelings. But such is life. I’ve learnt a lot and this trip allowed me to lay some thoughts and feelings to rest. Because memories, good or bad are important.