Someone recently asked me if I’d met anyone else since leaving my husband. No I haven’t, I’ve been on a date, I’ve met a few people and without sounding full of myself, no one has really caught my attention, no one has felt good enough for me-take from that whatever you wish. When I said no, the person replied with, “oh aren’t you ready to move on” I answered, “oh yes I am, but moving on isn’t about meeting someone else, it’s about me.”
My first date did everything I needed it to, it got me back on the horse for want of a better phrase. It made the concept of going back on a date less scary, it reminded me of what a catch I am and that if I’m going to give up time with my daughter then the other person really better be worth it. If I’m honest, the date was a disappointment, it was boring and a waste of a babysitter and child free time. I’d have preferred to have spent the time with friends, my work husband (good old Uncle D) if I wasn’t going to do with something fun with little miss P.
The fact is in someways I’m not ready to meet someone else but that’s because of me. I’ve been through a lot and I need to emotionally heal from that, I need to focus on rebuilding my confidence and the aftermath of what I went through. It was big phase and long time in my life that I struggled and suffered, so now it’s time to get back my own happiness and enjoyment and I’m the only person responsible for that, I don’t want or need someone else to be responsible for making me happy. I can do that myself. And that’s just it, it’s all about me, it’s not about my ex, it’s not about someone new, it’s about me. It’s about me taking back the control I lost. I’ve come along way and my confidence and self respect are back, and they’re back with a vengeance.
Focusing on myself and recovering from the relationship I was in has really made me take stick of what I deserve. Someone suggested I sign up for online dating and I have and again it’s served it’s purpose. It’s reminded me that there are plenty more fish in the sea and that I am a catch, I can meet and have someone else if I want, I’m just picky and that I’m in a position to be picky. What I have been through has reinforced to me and emphasised that it’s better to be on your own and happy than with someone and miserable. It’s also taught me about what I deserve. I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Online dating messages emphasises this too, I don’t deserve to be mocked because I won’t send a picture of my chesticles or of me in my birthday suit. I deserve someone who will take an interest in me as a person and respect my boundaries and wishes. I deserve to be entitled to my own opinion, ambitions, interests, hobbies and life. I deserve to be spoken to fairly and out of respect.
Moving on is about learning these lessons and truly believing them. Moving on is about reaffirming the strong values I used to have and that I lost. It’s about not allowing myself to go through what I experienced, it’s about getting the sparkle in my eye back and the spring in my step back. It’s about revisiting the spontaneous, bonkers personality I had. It’s about me, not anyone else at all.