Sorry for the title of this post it was either a cheesy reference to the 80s song featured in Coyote Ugly or to Jamiroquai’s Canned Heat from Centre Stage because at the end of the day I’m a dancer through and through, it’s where my passion lies and it’s when I’m my best version of me.
This week has been a strange week, I’ve had this bizarre mix of having lots to do, spare time on my hands, having to change plans last minute after a tummy bug it the house hold and to accommodate poorly chinchilla care. I’ve not felt myself, after a blast of positivity and achievement last week, this week has been a bit, blah. When I broke it down to what was really the problem to be honest it was simple, being a mum, it’s the best thing but it’s also the hardest, especially when you’re doing it alone. Being a single mum brings about a loneliness that you’ll only ever understand if you are one-sorry but partners working away, being in the army, going on holidays doesn’t count. Doing it 24/7 on your own is a whole different kettle of fish. Now, don’t get me wrong I love it and I still abide by my previous post about never really being alone however like I said in that article the feeling will still be there.
Anyway, I suddenly snapped myself out of the mood and something clicked, well actually a lot of things did! I have music on a lot and was playing some good old Bruno in the kitchen whilst making and eating tea (dinner for those non-Yorkshire folk!). I often do this and me and toddler P have a good old kitchen party dancing and singing around. It was fun, we both laughed and I suddenly felt better, I mean what more can a girl need, Mr Mars blasting and her best girl busting moves with her, good old B is way cool and dancing is my life.
Dancing is my life and yet I’m not doing it enough. Yes it’s part of my job, yes I do it regularly but I’m not really fully immersing myself in it, I’m not enjoying it, I’m holding back, or at least I have been. It felt good to let go, it felt to get passionate about it again, it felt good to just do what I know I enjoy.
I think the most recent phase in my life meant I lost a sense of what I actually like and enjoy. I’ve always been a strong minded, energetic person that knew what she wanted, what she did and didn’t like and anything I did like and do I went for-there was no stopping me. I loved to party in my early twenties, I didn’t just go for a few drinks, I spent the entire weekend dancing into the early hours. I didn’t just dance once a week as a hobby, I went religiously every evening or hours on end. I didn’t just attempt to breastfeed my daughter for the first few weeks, I fought against arguing professionals and overcame hurdles to breastfeed her until she was fully weaned and then some. I didn’t just start up an arts curriculum in school, I fought against a negative community to prove its worth and now we’re aiming for Arts Mark. I don’t do things by halves, I go for it and I fully engage with what I want to do.
So, I’m dancing again, I’m doing Zumba workouts with little miss P running around copying me. I’m having daily kitchen parties at teatime and I’m twisting the motherships arm for a bit of extra babysitting to let me go back to ballet or get my work husband to take me to jive classes. I’ve even started shoulder dancing in the car as I drive again and I haven’t done that for years!!! I’m revisiting what I actually enjoy, I’m doing what I know I love because all I want to do, is dance.