In someways this is a hard one to write, more because I don’t like to share the finer details of things sometimes and I need to tread carefully to ensure I don’t with this post. Why do I do that? Well because my blog isn’t about people, it’s about me, it’s about how I’m learning to cope with and tackle the cards I’m dealt as I go through life. It’s about my thoughts, feelings, and ideas on how to get through life as a single mum without my dad around anymore. It’s not about anyone else so although I refer to interactions, it’s not actually about them.
But this one kind of is. Sometimes in life you cross paths with people you don’t want to meet. I recently did, I cross passed with someone who I haven’t seen since leaving my husband. Someone who I didn’t really want to see or talk to, someone who has tried to hurt me and my daughter. Someone who has lied about me and tried to make my life more difficult that it needed to be. They haven’t succeeded in impacting me, my daughter or my life negatively but that doesn’t stop me from having a mix of emotions towards them.
So I bumped into them and at one time this would’ve been difficult for me, I’d have felt guilty even though I’d done nothing wrong, simply because I’ve been conditioned to feel that way. I’d have felt nervous, wanted to avoid them but this time I didn’t, in fact I said hello, I smiled and asked them how they were. They looked embarrassed, guilty, sad and very very red. But I looked them right in the eye. They couldn’t get away quick enough. Now I’ve always known all the decisions I’ve made over the past year have been for the best, they best for me, the best for my daughter and the best for our future and their behaviour towards us both made me realise that they knew it too
To be honest though, this post isn’t about them. It’s about me, it’s about the fact that I’ve not allowed myself to be conditioned anymore. I was confident to not only know but truly believe I’ve been doing the right things and that I can hold my head high with dignity, integrity and pride. That I can look people in the eye that have done me wrong and not feel anger and resentment but confident and calm in the knowledge that I’m a good person that treats people well.
My life now is about that, it’s about focusing on the people I care about and treating them well and accepting that treatment in return. I don’t want drama in my life anymore nor do I want negativity and have taken some big steps towards surrounding myself around positive people and not accepting disrespect or negativity. So looking someone in the eye did me a lot of good, it taught me even more about myself and the journey I’ve come on. It’s taken away and irrational anxiety that I used to have, or should I say it’s made me realise that this anxiousness isn’t there anymore and quite possibly hasn’t been for a long time.
It’s also interesting looking someone in the eye, peoples eyes tell the truth about them, you cannot hide your emotions from your eyes. Eyes show kindness, love, happiness but they also show anger, dishonesty, hurt and sadness. I’ve noticed in pictures of myself over the past year, I look happier, my eyes sparkle again now. Because I’ve got a spark back and I am happier.
So don’t be afraid to look someone in the eye.