Someone once asked me when I first left my husband why I was still upset by the break up if I knew it was the right thing. Well yes it was the right thing and it did bring me a new sense of life and freedom, I walked away from something that wasn’t a good situation, however I also walked away from my dream, my ideal. I walked away from something that I had poured my heart and soul into, I wanted a successful happy marriage and family, I wanted warmth comfort and fond memories. I wanted those things to make life seem fulfilled.
I wanted to be enough for my husband to change and improve, I wanted to enough for him to want the same things as me. I wanted to be enough for my marriage and family to work and be happy.
That was one of the hardest things to deal with and learn when I left, it was heartbreaking to realise that no matter how hard I tried I wasn’t enough for him to work as hard at the marriage as I did. Having said that it’s become one of the most important and biggest lessons I’ve learnt. I’ve learnt that I am enough.
I am enough for myself, I’m enough for my daughter, I’m enough for my mum, I’m enough for my closest friends, I’m enough for my students and colleagues, I’m enough for everyone that loves me. I am enough for myself.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the only person responsible for your own happiness is yourself and I’ve had to learn to love myself again. I’ve not met anyone else yet but that’s been intentional, I can’t embark on a new relationship until I love myself again. Moving on isn’t about meeting someone else, it’s about mentally and emotionally moving on from the lasting effects of your previous relationship. It’s about healing the wounds and growing and learning lessons. I’ve needed to learn to love myself again for me and my daughter. I want her to know her own worth, I want her to grow up strong and happy. I want her to love herself and know she’s her best version of herself. And to do that I need to demonstrate to her that I love myself and that I am enough.
She tells me that she loves herself and that she’s her favourite all the time and she’s right and so she should! Life is about being happy in your skin, external factors contribute to your happiness but ultimately you need to learn to take enjoyment out of your own life and being.
It’s really nice to be in a place now where I can honestly stand up and say, I am enough. It’s one of the biggest steps forward in rebuilding my life and my confidence. In fact is a massive leap forwards into accepting what I’ve been through and shaping a positive happier future. It’s a bit like the L’Oréal advert, “because you’re worth it” I’ve had to learn to remind myself that I’m worth it and having that shift in mindset has made an awful lot of things click into place.
It’s nice being enough.