So here goes, my first post, how do I start? What do I say? What do I write? How do I get the words out?

Three weeks ago I sat down to start writing something important like this and I didn’t know how to start or what to say. Similarly to this post, I didn’t have to do it, I’d chosen to and had put it off and off until I had little time left (yes I know that for this blog I have as much time as I like, however as you read on you’ll understand why I’ve forced myself to start) and so I finally sat down staring at a blank page not knowing what to say.

It was a eulogy for my Dad’s funeral.  There I’ve said it. My Dad’s funeral. Sometimes I find it hard to say the words like funeral, passed away, died, lost, or any other terms associated with my Dad and his {insert relevant term here} because of what they remind me of,  what they reinforce and the feelings the words and phrases highlight and bring back to the surface.

That’s why I’ve started this blog, a few weeks on. To help me look after myself, to help me explore the mixed emotions and experiences I am now facing. To help me articulate what I’m going through, find ways to accept and manage the changes in my life and learn to cope.

I don’t wish for this blog to be superficial, I don’t want to sugar coat things or speak as though I’m the only person that has felt grief or pain. I’m not the only person hurting, my family, friends and those close to my Dad aren’t the only people grieving. Everyone at some point goes through this and deals with it in their own way. This is mine, this is my attempt at learning to cope, so it has to be real and it has to be for me, in my own words, however clumsy or jumbled up, in whatever emotions I’m experiencing.

Because it’s all about learning to cope.